Sunday, December 15, 2013

I'm back in time for Christmas!!


Remember me!  I used to blog a lot!  It's been a rough couple of months and while I've put on a smiling face for most people, the truth is I was afraid to blog.  You see I waited 32 years to find Mr. Wright and we've had four wonderful years together.  He was recently diagnosed with Leukemia and he's doing AMAZING but I tend to have pity parties when I'm off by myself typing and I didn't want this blog to turn into that.  We are so blessed!!! We've had so much help financially, spiritually, and emotionally but I still have off days.  Days I'm mad that we are spending our third year of marriage and our daughter's first year fighting an illness that no one should have to deal with.  Cancer blows.  But Mark knows in his heart that God has plans for him and they are long term plans.  They've been chatting you see, so I am hanging on to the fact that this is just an ugly bump in the road that's meant to teach us to appreciate each other more.

Now all that being said:  the diet and financial makeover this blog was started to document were blown all to hell.  (Please pardon the expression)  Every pound Mark has lost, I've found.  Urg. and let's not talk about finances until some other day.  I want this first one back to be upbeat!  LOL!!

So now that I've updated you let's get around to today's lesson shall we.

I want to get back to this blog and back to me.  Mark is fighting the battle of his life so the least I can do is try to get healthy along side him right?  And I want to take good care of Ellie which brings me to my most recent ponderance.  This one deals with my mental health. Here it is:

I've spent a lot of time beating myself up over the past weeks because of all the ways I'm not an awesome mom. 

Ellie's first year is drawing to a close.  She will be 11 months old on Christmas. She has only had one pro photo shoot (I've shamelessly forced Aunt Lu to do the rest pro bono), her baby book isn't filled out all the way, I didn't send fancy baby announcements (just thank you cards with her pic since she was early), I did not do a single Christmas card this year let alone one heralding our little angels first Christmas, I did not manage to find that perfect Christmas stocking she can hang every year her whole life just like mine, there will not be mountains of gifts under the tree (in fact she only has a few-a couple big and a couple little), and the list goes on and on and on all the way down to the bottom where I lament that she only has about 3 pairs of shoes that fit currently (nevermind that she can't walk yet).  Anyone else get where this is going... 

Never fear friends!!! I did figure it out and it boils right down to the real meaning of Christmas!!!

You see, I thought a little more and realized she's fed, clothed, has a huge family (both blood related and adopted family) that loves her, she's generally clean, she's at church every time we are as some habits should start early, we willingly drive a few extra miles each day to take her to the best day care on the planet, and she's loved more than words could EVER say. Hmm... Maybe I'm not a bad mom after all and the only screw up I've made is worrying about not being able to keep up with the Jones'. Why do we worry about that anyway?  Who are these illusive Jones people?  The families I know with that last name don't demand I put on a fancy show of wealth and status for them.  So why do I keep worrying that I haven't done all the right things to make her childhood perfect?? I HAVE NO IDEA!!

In fact, I should be a little ashamed.  I have forgotten what's truly important: The reason for the season was born in a dirty barn surrounded by farm animals and all that comes with them after his dirt poor parents were turned away from a local inn.  He didn't have fancy clothes or all the right toys.  And since He grew up to save all mankind I'd say HE didn't turn out so bad:) So there's hope for Ellie yet!! :)

So my plan is to enjoy this Christmas!!! It will be perfect just as it is because it will be perfectly full of memories flawed or not that are all ours and full of love for a special little girl, her wonderful siblings, and our great big wacky family!!! Forget the other stuff!!

Tune in next time as I really plan to stick with this again!!