Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Fat and Happy Trumps Skinny and Stressed

Hello gang!

Well I took everyone's advive and stayed a few times for workouts at school or at therapy.  When finishing I would feel better for sure!! However...

Yup. Here it comes. I'm going to stop staying after school. Go ahead...reel at me in outrage. I've got a plan and I'll get to it.  Stand by.

Today we had zumba and then yoga.  Both were awesome.  By the time I got ready to leave I was feeling relaxed and at ease.  ...aaaaaaand then I saw my watch!  Holy crap it's 4pm!  So I headed out ASAP.  Traffic in Clarksville is awful on a good day at an odd hour.  But 4pm on a weekday... RIDICULOUS, especially with our never ending road issues.  Today there were issues everywhere so all three routes to my daughter's daycare were jam packed.  It took me nearly an HOUR to get there.  A FREAKING HOUR!!!!

By the time I finally arrived I was bawling and all that relaxing was for naught.  My back was in knots, my head hurt, and all I wanted was Ellie.  I charged into her room at daycare, scooped her up, and just stood there hoping Ms. Eden wouldn't think I'd lost my mind.  She and her assistant for the afternoon assured me that they think I'm awesome and informed me that my daughter is an angel like no other and they'd love a roomful of her. I put her in her car seat and off we went.  Another hour later and we were finally home and I was in more knots from all the time we'd lost while being stuck in the stupid car.  Thankfully she cheered me up by being all smiles and playing for a bit before bananas, bath, and bedtime.

I CANNOT continue to leave school that late as long as we are committed to leaving Ellie where she is at.  I am going to have a stroke if I have too many more days like this one.  I was miserable for two hours trying to get my beautiful angel home and have a teeny bit of time with her. 

So what's the solution?  Well I have a perfectly good eliptical, a nice neighborhood for walks, and a million wii workout games/videos.  I will start working out with Ellie when I get home.  I know this will be hard for me as there's no accountabilty at the house but I have to do this.  I literally was so stressed today I made myself sick and this is far from the first time that's happened in the last couple of weeks. I won't feel guilty about the boys being in their kennels extra time and I may actually find time to fold laundry or dust something when I can stop beating myself up for not having Ellie time.  To tell you how deprived I've felt lately, the kid is currently asleep across me and I'm typing around her.  I call it mommy multitasking and that's what workouts will have to be too!

And before anyone asks... we have considered and are considering other care options for Ellie that are closer to work.  But if you've never been to the Giving Tree there is NO PLACE like it.  Ellie is so happy with Diane and Eden so while we have one or two places that at least are competitive with the Tree awesomeness, they don't have openings and I WILL NOT take my daughter away from caregivers that have become like family unless I see a place we may be able to repeat that connection.

So there it is.  I'm a big fat quitter and I'm ok with it.  Now I'm on my own.  Here we go!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

A Conundrum

Long Time No See!!!

I know... I'm a week behind!  But we are back at work and I haven't had two seconds in a row that I haven't hogged for Ellie.  Speaking of which, she's about konked out so I'm going to keep this short.  I have night time cuddles to nab.

As school has started I'm eating very well as I don't have time to eat crap.  In fact I don't have time for anything.  There in lies the conundrum. What do I give up?

Clearly Ellie is NOT an option.  My mom guilt is killing me slowly and painfully.  If we don't work there's no house, no cars, no food, and no insurance (what little good it does me...grrrr).  I realize that's just stuff but it's REALLY important stuff.  It's the we'd prefer not to raise our daughter in a cardboard box under the interstate kinda stuff.  But not seeing her for 8-10 hours a day is TORTURE!  As soon as I leave school all I want is to have Ellie and not put her down.  Poor thing is never going to learn to crawl if I don't get myself under control.  But there's so much going on.  So find me a solution to this one:

We've started the Knights Athletic Club and I'm so excited about it but I haven't been able to go yet.  Monday Ellie had a check up and today I had SGA and a Physical Therapy appointment.  Tomorrow I can stay but then I wouldn't leave school until 4, we wouldn't get home from me picking her up until 5, and we'd have to leave so I could drop her off at 5:30 at Bridget's so I can go to our finance class.  We won't get done until about 8 and then she'll be asleep.  Thursday I have faculty meeting and then physical therapy so I won't get Ellie until at least 5pm.  I feel like I'm losing all of my time with her.  I don't want to work out tomorrow!!! I want to take the only day I can leave on time this week, race to daycare, and get her as fast as possible so I get a few hours of actual play time before she's sound asleep. So where's the balance?  What do I do???

Sure, once school gets going things will even out a little... I hope.  But I have 5.5 weeks to get ready for homecoming.  So it's still going to be busy for awhile.  And this week we are supposed to do the meet and greet at church with people interested in small groups.  We are to begin leading one in just a couple of weeks so that's ANOTHER night with no Ellie if we start it.  Not to mention that I'll have to get her, get home, get her to a sitter, get the house prepared each week, and get dinner set out because of poor Mark has at least another 12 weeks of football practice.

So do I go with my gut and put off the everyday workouts a little longer until things even out and go get my girl or do I stay and exercise?  Do we go ahead and do the small group because it helps our church and provides us a community at church or do we stay just us a bit longer?  For me it's Ellie and Mark EVERY SINGLE time.  I DO NOT want to stay late and work out tomorrow.  I do not want to give up anymore nights with my family.  But how will I ever get in better shape physically or spiritually?   So there you go folks.  This week's conundrum.  Aaaaaand... go.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Knights Athletic Club

What's up peeps!!

I'm so excited!!!!! Wanna know why? No?  Too bad... I'm tellin ya anyway!  If you weren't curious you shouldn't have opened the blog.  Muahahahaha! (that's my typed evil laugh... I love it and probably overuse it in emails and facebook posts but I can't help it.)

So after being very, VERY disappointed in my weight after all the changes we've made to our eating, I told you I wanted to start a group at school to work out and be accountable to each other.  I figure more moving=weight loss.  I talked with some other teachers, sent out a school wide email, and.... the response was crazy!!! People are very excited about our game plan!

Here's our schedule:
     Monday - Yoga (taught by one of my fellow faculty members)
     Tuesday - Walking - laps in the building
     Wednesday - Zumba (and other fitness videos as we need a change)
     Thursday - Walking or short videos after faculty meeting
     Friday - Greenway walking if weather allows.

Brilliant elements of the plan:
1. The club will meet in my room so I can't possibly avoid being there!!!
2. We have something going EVERY day! Meetings and other malarkey can't be an excuse!!
3. Yoga and Zumba are FUN so getting started will be easier because I want to do it!
4. By not joining an overcrowded gym like the Clarksville Athletic Club, and working out with friends, I will seriously limit the number of people who will see me embarrassing the crap out of myself! And furthermore, since they're friends, if they laugh at me I can point and laugh right back and that makes it more fun because we're all relaxed and having a good time getting healthier!!!

We don't start for another week so it will be a bit before I can tell you how it's going.  So next week's blog will likely be focused on eating and money.  If the government doesn't get their act together it may just be a list of all the stuff we're selling! LOL!! Seven weeks with NO SIGN of unemployment!! Really!?!?!  Thank heavens we are back to real checks for next months bills!  So proud of Mark by the way! He's doing a great job at school and fitting in really well.  :) 

Ok... until next time!