Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Fat and Happy Trumps Skinny and Stressed

Hello gang!

Well I took everyone's advive and stayed a few times for workouts at school or at therapy.  When finishing I would feel better for sure!! However...

Yup. Here it comes. I'm going to stop staying after school. Go ahead...reel at me in outrage. I've got a plan and I'll get to it.  Stand by.

Today we had zumba and then yoga.  Both were awesome.  By the time I got ready to leave I was feeling relaxed and at ease.  ...aaaaaaand then I saw my watch!  Holy crap it's 4pm!  So I headed out ASAP.  Traffic in Clarksville is awful on a good day at an odd hour.  But 4pm on a weekday... RIDICULOUS, especially with our never ending road issues.  Today there were issues everywhere so all three routes to my daughter's daycare were jam packed.  It took me nearly an HOUR to get there.  A FREAKING HOUR!!!!

By the time I finally arrived I was bawling and all that relaxing was for naught.  My back was in knots, my head hurt, and all I wanted was Ellie.  I charged into her room at daycare, scooped her up, and just stood there hoping Ms. Eden wouldn't think I'd lost my mind.  She and her assistant for the afternoon assured me that they think I'm awesome and informed me that my daughter is an angel like no other and they'd love a roomful of her. I put her in her car seat and off we went.  Another hour later and we were finally home and I was in more knots from all the time we'd lost while being stuck in the stupid car.  Thankfully she cheered me up by being all smiles and playing for a bit before bananas, bath, and bedtime.

I CANNOT continue to leave school that late as long as we are committed to leaving Ellie where she is at.  I am going to have a stroke if I have too many more days like this one.  I was miserable for two hours trying to get my beautiful angel home and have a teeny bit of time with her. 

So what's the solution?  Well I have a perfectly good eliptical, a nice neighborhood for walks, and a million wii workout games/videos.  I will start working out with Ellie when I get home.  I know this will be hard for me as there's no accountabilty at the house but I have to do this.  I literally was so stressed today I made myself sick and this is far from the first time that's happened in the last couple of weeks. I won't feel guilty about the boys being in their kennels extra time and I may actually find time to fold laundry or dust something when I can stop beating myself up for not having Ellie time.  To tell you how deprived I've felt lately, the kid is currently asleep across me and I'm typing around her.  I call it mommy multitasking and that's what workouts will have to be too!

And before anyone asks... we have considered and are considering other care options for Ellie that are closer to work.  But if you've never been to the Giving Tree there is NO PLACE like it.  Ellie is so happy with Diane and Eden so while we have one or two places that at least are competitive with the Tree awesomeness, they don't have openings and I WILL NOT take my daughter away from caregivers that have become like family unless I see a place we may be able to repeat that connection.

So there it is.  I'm a big fat quitter and I'm ok with it.  Now I'm on my own.  Here we go!